Life is a banquet…

rosalind russell

“Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!” – Rosalind Russell as Auntie Mame.

This was my mantra in my 20s. I used it to fuel and feed my passions and interests, I packed a lot of living between 18-30. However, in the past decade I have lost my footing in this world and slipped down a steep slope into the recessions of my own darkened and crowded mind. 10 years of survival mode and a gradual and steady decline to the bottom has found me at 40 wondering where I will gather the tenacity to rebuild and fan the embers to get the flame lit again.

In the past few years, with the recession taking its toll, I walked away from my first marriage, I lost my home and the residence that my two boys bonded to and had the ability to actually be children in, my business slowly slipped further and further from my dream job and became more of an albatross (around my neck, my mind and my bank account) so I closed it and saw my income abruptly stop with not enough in the bank to cover what was owed. Just this week, as I spend most of my hours looking at what jobs are available in my market and filling out online applications that take hours and feel like they go off into a virtual void, my oldest son went to live with his father and I sat on the edge of my bed in tears wondering if I could turn back the clock and be 23 (and free) again.

Today, I sit at the kitchen table writing a blog to prove to myself that my skills are not outdated, that I can launch a blog on WordPress –although I have had blogs on TypePad and Blogspot, WordPress is what is mentioned in job postings — learn the endless number of technological advancements (Vine, HootSuite) that were not needed for the last 8 years of my life. I have a Facebook page and it proved to be successful for my business strategy. I have a Twitter account, but quickly learned that is not where my customer base was. I used Yelp! and Foursquare and Constant Contact and Mail Chimp. I built my own website but abandoned it after two years when I was selling more via daily specials on Facebook.

The past decade hasn’t been all bad. I did meet the love of my life. The one person who gets me and likes me for who I am, not what I can do for them or provide, who wants to help me be the best I can be and hates seeing me so … lost. On days when I am wondering what my journey has planned for me next, I am just glad that he is on this journey with me.

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